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zeroday ascii #3

I guess I’ve only drawn 3 asciis in the last 2 years. That’s a pretty good ratio. I think I’ll keep that pace up. BTW, this marks my 15th year drawing ascii art. LOL is me.

Here’s the newest one, if you can’t read it, then it wasn’t meant to be.

More ascii!

More ascii!


Enjoy, until the year 2010. DON’T DO DRUGS. Muah :*


Jeff Noon’s “Vurt”: Acid heads remember cyberpunk

I had meant to sign up to Goodreads earlier, but completely forgot. Well, thanks to Twitter, I remembered. Here’s a quick review I slapped together 3 minutes ago. I finished this novel (well, almost finished…) about a month ago, and felt pretty bitterly disappointed. It was OK. But there was this hope that it would hit me like those old William Gibson and Bruce Sterling novels did in the BBS era. Back then, those books had a kind of gleaming freshness that captured this weird underground zeitgeist. Unfortunately, I think I’m now too old to get caught up in many new underground zeitgeists, and I think the whole internet boom that surrounded the cyberpunk movement has created a situation where those movements themselves will be harder to germinate. With the internet long ago gone “0-second”, I’m sure there’s ton of mini-bursts of heat to capture the attention, but when will something as large as the initial personal computer boom hit again?



Vurt by Jeff Noon

My review

rating: 3 of 5 stars
Starts out with an interesting premise straight from the bowels of early 90s cyberpunk: People eat LSDesque feathers to get high, get hurt and generally escape reality. The landscape is a dystopia. The protagonists are mutants, shadow people, aliens and cyborgs. Techno music is rampant, though there’s a surprising lack of computer lingo and presence. It’s more rave-culture than mirrorshades.

And as novel as it all starts, it sort of ends up churning it’s wheels. For me, there was too much emphasis on dream-state Vurtcursion flashbacks, and not enough actual plot. The “experimental” writing gets tired as the storyline peters out. What starts out as an interesting premises actually devolved into a somewhat rambling snooze, and I ended up donating my copy about 4/5ths of the way through.

Maybe decent reading for someone just searching for an interesting novel and concept. However, I was hoping for what would have been, to me, a rare unearthed Cyberpunk era gems.

View all my reviews.


Asciigod update B0.09

Not a lot going on these days in the realm of “writing”, “constructive thoughts”, “healing the world” or “making babies”. Scratch that last one holmes, I’m makin’ more babies than Raelians. Blowin’ powder dust like Mugwumps out the Urethra (Justin Warfield style).

Shit’s just been super busy, but I felt the need to bless the mic with some K.N.O.W.L.E.D.G.E.

Work, school, baby mama, health. It’s the cycle, but it’s OK. My awesome financial strategies have turned out to be failures. But hey, there’s still 40 odd years, am I right?

Just got done with some homework for an Investment class at school. Since content’s not exactly quantity nor quality here, I figured I’d cut and paste my “mini-essay” in here, get my word count for the year above 300, and call it a night. I gotta head to work, so see ya’ll on the dark side!

“ESSAY” (LOLRIGHT ASCIIGOD 2009) RE: Aggressive Investing?

“Due to my relative youth, and long time horizon for retirement I feel I can currently invest aggressively to meet my retirement needs. I am in a situation with more than 30 years to save for retirement. This puts me in a position that, historically, indicates the “numbers” of the markets are in my favor for long-term growth. Despite any 5, 10 or even 15 year periods of negative performance, it behooves me to invest aggressively now. Of course this aggressive position needs to be tailored as the years pass, with investments moved from aggressive to more stable and income producing positions.
For instance, assume I would like to retire with $2,000,000 in stable and/or income producing securities in 30 years time. Assuming I start with a relatively modest $20,000 base, and contribute only $5,000 a year, given a relatively conservative assumed return of 10% on these investments, the total saved for retirement would be $1,434,648.60.
But that isn’t quite enough!
Actually, to equal that sum in “today’s dollars”, adjusting for a 3% inflation, I’d need to raise $3,482,267. To meet my $2,000,000 goal in “today’s dollars”, I’d need even more: the princely end balance of $4,854,525. A daunting task! In fact this exercise has made me realize just how much more “aggressive” I need to be.
And that isn’t just aggressive in terms of investing. The 10% expected return is solid, and is as much as I can legitimately use to “crunch” these numbers. So the difference will definitely have to be made up of with more aggressive saving. That’s right! Additional funds are needed. Let’s recalculate assuming my wife’s income contribution matches my own $5,000 yearly deposits, and that we both up the ante an additional $2,000 for a total of $14,000 per year addition to our nest egg.
This results in a balance of $2,882,195.99 at the end of 30 years. Not quite good enough, but honestly, at some point this exercise has to become an issue of quality of life and financial management. Not considering other sources of income, dividends, and property I feel safe to say this sum would certainly get us by “OK”. And if not, we could always trade in our hover car for a less expensive model.”



Blogging, New Years Resolutions, and Productivity


To all the haters, hahahahaha. Nicely done.

I’m not the type to make a lot of New Year’s Resolutions ™. Even though I really should quit smoking, lose 15 pounds, and stop giving money to hobos, I’ve never put those things on a list and created firm deadlines. Commitment can be scary, and I don’t like to tie myself to one blood type, much less three nebulous goals. And as much as I’d like to contribute to Shapes’ fitness’s earning reports, I’m not ready to do that. Camel needs my money to pay all those artists who design their excellent “Designers Series” cigarette packages. I’m nothing if not a supporter of the The Arts. Lastly, I’m lying, I don’t give hobos money anymore. In fact, I’m pretty aggressive about this. I’ve even developed a whole deaf-mute routine where I pantomime and yell “No hablo Deutschlis!” to get out of parting with my sort-of-hard-earned-money.

I settled on a more vague plan this year. In reality, it only coincided with the New Year through coincidence, but I figured I might as well run with that and pretend it was all part of a grand Divine Scheme.

This year, I’d make the commitment to doing one hour a day of stuff that was directly related to “self-improvement”. As it happened, this started out with reading a chapter or two of an interesting book. I even have a huge stack of books selected for this purpose, and they’re all neatly lined up on my desk at work, where they are now mocking me.

Fun list of books:

 “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” by Robert Kiyosaki (which someone got me as a very thoughtful Christmas gift, even though I assume it’s rather elementary material).

 “Home Buying for Dummies” by Eric Tyson (because sooner or later, I’m going to need to do this).

 “Men’s Health: Better Body Blueprint” by Michael Mejia (as it was already at my desk, and I’d forgotten I had it for at least a year).

 NOLO’s “Patent It Yourself” by David Pressman (no specific reason, but I found it at a thrift store, and in my experience, NOLO books are awesome).

 J.K. Lasser’s “Small Business Taxes 2007” by Barbara Weltman (see above. Even though its out of date, it was cheap, and small business taxes fascinate me).

 Sams “Teach Yourself Adobe Dreamweaver CS3 in 24 hours” by Betsy Bruce (I just realized this was written by a woman! I might have to throw it away, I don’t want to design websites about Cats or Gothic Erotica).

 The Motley Fool “You Have More than You Think” by David + Tom Gardner (Another wildly out of date edition. I think this one focuses on the late 90’s dot com boom! Nevertheless, a great book).

 “Quickbooks 2008 for Dummies” by Stephen L. Nelson (which I’ve had since QB2008 was released, meaning it’s out of date as well. And from what I’ve already read of it, it’s not very good).

 And lastly, my “Principals of Managerial Finance” book that I was *supposed* to read last semester for my introductory Corporate Finance class. However, that class was jam-stuffed with hours of lectures every week, and the book was barely opened.

All of this went well for exactly one day, and I have the post-it note bookmark in the Men’s Health guide to prove it. Then, right as school started, my company dropped an unannounced client on me with exactly ZERO forewarning. This client turned out to be at least as large as all our other clients combined. Needless to say, I haven’t had much time to focus on “me time”. Quiet baths, relaxing walks, obsessive-compulsive collecting behavior. It’s been rough.

We’ve finally gotten most of the preliminary work done, so things have slowed down a bit. Now it’s time to start focusing on this stuff again, and I’m looking forward to it. Although I guess I really should focus on what’s important for school right now: publishing more blogs about my blogging productivity!

And that’s a wrap!



Just got back from the in-laws, now I’m at work. I supposed Christmas eve could be worse, but I’m having difficulty imagining a scenario.




ASCiiGOD @ Work: A Shocking Cell-Photo Essay


This is what my boss’s boss had me do this evening. The plan is to piss my boss off as a Secret Santa surprise. This is admittedly some pretty pedestrian blogging, but we can’t all be Egyptian freedom fighters.

Luckily for her, I’m 49% homosexual, with a strong tendancy towards awesome interior design. Check out the following steeloz. I smell future opportunities in cubicle redecoration.


desk001 is this image really as small as it appears in the editing window??? hopefully the “awesome” shows through

desk002 walls, filing cabinets, phone, chair , even the stack of papers in the inbox… all vandalised!

desk003shit’s tight, yes? sort of hoping the monitor is a fire hazard (and believe me, i made sure to make it as flammable as possible!)

desk004 i’d totally rock this pattern at home. check out the arm rests! fucking sophisticated!

desk005 here’s the epitome of that 49%. attention to detail: fully functioning access to n0rp via cd-rom. classy

desk006 individually wrapped pens. penholder. swass desk design perfect for miniature wargaming or changing diapers.

I’m filled with a mixture of pride and hate. This calls for some Starbucks.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!


Final exams and vacation pre-planning.

I’m not even supposed to be in the office today. But this isn’t one of those Dante from Clerks moments. No, I’m just here to get some peace and quiet while studying.

My wife and I babysat my niece all… day… long. This is grueling for a childless, working professional couple one of whom (raising hand) happens to also be a student and run his own business. So what if it’s online retailing, it brings in mad cake and takes work therefore, it’s real! Unless you work for the IRS. Then this conversation never occurred. Pleading the 5th.

And tomorrow is my Managerial Finance final exam. So I’m at work late, midnight, and it’s my vacation. I took 4 days off of work to ostensibly focus on studying, relaxing, and laying around. Turns out I’m here, secretly covering production issues for my coworkers, studying, stealing cheesecake, wishing I had more coffee, and blogging. (Edit: I’ve also scratched my nuts during the composition of this post).

I had a grand to-do list of things I wanted to accomplish on my vacation. This grand list has been lost in the “Wind of Change” The Scorpions sang so about so poignantly. Grandiose.

On a bright note, this class’ exams typically cover something like 8 chapters at a time. At least it seems that way. The final comprises four chapters! And one of them is about dividends, and one is about taxes. Both of these subjects are a breeze. However, I’m going to have to bone up (huh huh, fire) on the capital structure and cost of capital areas. Maybe after this PCP laced blunt.


An all natural study aid… with PCP!

For the record, here’s what I want and/or have to do this vacation. We’ll (maybe) check back in a week or so, and laugh at how much didn’t get accomplished. In no particular order, except the order they are randomly scrawled on a notepad document on my home PC:

oo1. Transfer my blood sugar readings from my glucose meter to a journal. I’m on a new insulin regiment, and was supposed to be keeping track for my doctor. By pre-dating a journal, and essentially counterfeiting the process, I hope to impress the doc with my basketball skills.

oo2. Research stocks to buy when I get paid Friday. I’m thinking CitiGroup (C) and Amazon (AMZN). It’s not a (C)oincidence that (C)a$h starts with (C) and AMZN is ALMOST the exact same as AMAZING. I picked em. You bank em!

oo3. Buy one of those adaptors that splits a single 5/8″ (or whatever size it is) microphone jack into two. Buy a cheap(er) microphone than the one I already have (which isn’t that bad a mic really. One love.) This is for when my partner in rhyme comes down to visit for Christmas. Freestyle session to ensue. Crappy microphone is his. Home field advantage.

oo4. Organize my inventory. I’m sitting on boxes upon boxes of product dogg. This shit don’t move itself. It’s Christmas. I’ve got a few thousand dollars of crap sitting around to sell. Time to flood the streets like an episode of The Wire. No homo.

oo5. That’s it? Really there’s like a dozen more things on that list, but this was already boring me at oo1. 😦

P.S. WordPress’s new dashboard is off the hook!

P.P.S. I’m totally cranked out of my fucking head on ritalin. Time to study!